As parents, we always strive to make the best choices for our children’s health, education, and overall upbringing. We carefully research sound parenting advice and strategies with the intention of giving our kids every possible tool and advantage to thrive.
But in our zeal to be great parents, it’s quite easy to overdo certain good things to the point of being excessive or counterproductive. Here are five common areas where that tendency to go overboard can unintentionally hold kids back:
Activities and Enrichment:
Exposing children to a variety of positive extracurricular activities like sports, arts, music, educational clubs and more is wonderful. These enrich their lives and help develop talents and interests.
But when kids are being rushed from one structured enrichment activity to the next, with little free time accounted for, it can overschedule and overwhelm them. Kids also desperately need ample downtime for unstructured creative play that allows their brains and bodies to recharge, explore, and solidify learnings from their activities in a relaxed way.
Too many rules and restrictions:
Providing your children with age-appropriate boundaries, routines, chores and rules helps them feel safe, secure and learn self-discipline. Having no structure at all can be chaotic.
But laying down an overload of stringent rules and harsh restrictions, requiring rigid schedules, and allowing no freedoms is equally unhealthy. It prevents kids from learning crucial skills around independence, self-regulation, decision making and earning trust and privileges over time.
Excessive Praise:
Encouraging children with sincere, specific praise for efforts and progress helps build self-esteem and healthy motivations. It’s far better than empty flattery or negativity.
However, research shows that overdoing it by heaping on inflated, unearned praise can promote narcissism, lack of motivation, fear of failure, and an inability to objectively assess their abilities. Curb excessive blanket statements like “You’re the most amazing artist!” and focus praise on the process versus blanket statements about their identities.
Helicopter Parenting:
Showing involved, caring attention to children’s lives and being attuned to their emotional needs creates feelings of security and love. It’s the opposite of critical or neglectful parenting.
But when that attunement crosses into constantly hovering, micromanaging, intervening or failing to allow safe periods of autonomy, it ultimately undercuts kids’ independence, confidence and inability to learn from mistakes and struggles. Kids need plenty of breathing room.
Catering to Whims:
Considering and making reasonable accommodations for children’s preferences, such as food choices or clothing styles, demonstrates respect for them as individuals. It’s part of nurturing parent-child relationships.
But there’s a line where respecting preferences becomes catering to excessive and irrational demands. Constantly giving in to tantrums or irrational requests through bargaining and negotiating directly teaches kids that whining and acting out is an effective way to get what they want. It prevents maturity.
As caring parents, it’s so easy to overstep boundaries in our loving attempts to nurture, provide, enrich and guide our children’s upbringing. The healthiest approach lies in finding that middle ground between being involved while still allowing kids to explore, get bored, struggle productively, and progress at their natural pace.
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